Amestris High
by Silly Silence
Summary: AU-ish, sort of like the ending to FMAB. Human Al CRACK FIC Join the FMA cast as they go through high-school drama, from everything between poking and crossdressing, teasing and kissing. This is Ed. There is cussing involved. Not only that, but they have to face two strange students, who seem to be curious. What's going on and will Ed ever grow tall? O.o
1. Chapter 1

**Ha ha this is my first attempt to write FMA crack and it's for my own enjoyment, not yours. Yes, the plot is TOTALLY over-used and cliched, but you know what, I wanted to write THIS. I have a lot of plot bunnies and this is something for me to have fun with and work on between fanfics, so don't count on very frequent updates. **

**Nayru Elric is sort-of kind-of helping me type this because a whole lot of inspiration comes from what we PM eachother. PM ME AND MAYBE YOU CAN HELP TOO! **

**AND DON'T WORRY THE NOT-MARY-SUE (HOPEFULLY) OC'S WILL INTRODUCE THEMSELVES SOON BUT NAYRU ALREADY KNOWS WHO THEY ARE DON'T YOU NAYRU-CHAN?**

Ed and Al walked into the classroom together. Al was wide-eyed and excited, but Ed simply slumped into a chair in one of the empty desks, made to seat six, and started to snore. Al sat down next to him and began poking him. "Ed." Poke. "Ed." Poke. "Ed." Poke.

This must have gone on for atleast five minutes before Ed's head jerked up and Ed shrieked, "WHAT?"

Al smiled, pleased with himself that he managed to wake up his older brother. "Brother, it's the first day of school, you have to stay up!"

Ed frowned, whining, "Why do I have to? It's not like—" _Whack! _"OW! What?" Ed moaned, turning his head to Winry, who stood behind him, wrench in hand. She smirked, then giggled at the sight of Ed rubbing his sore head—hey, that rhymed!

Then she frowned, suddenly serious. "Al's right, Ed. You do need to stay awake."

"Why should I? It's not like there's any Homunculus around!" Ed sneered, just as Envy passed by. Al and Winry burst into laughter as he turned bright red. "Well, maybe one!" Ed shot back, trying to get the laughter to cease. When that didn't work, he growled and transmutated his automail into a sharp blade. The laughter finally stopped and Winry looked at him with wide blue eyes. Al touched Ed's shoulder comfortingly. "Ed, you wouldn't hurt me and Winry, would you?" "HELL YES IF YOU KEEP LAUGHING!"

"Oh, cool, you have automail too?" A disembodied voice said eagerly.

Ed and Al whipped their heads around to see two girls looking back at them. They stood side by side, and had identical, eerie smiles.

One was dressed in an oversized blue hoodie and blue jeans, and had dirty blonde hair tied up in a braid like Ed's, only minus the cowlick and bangs. Brown-hazel eyes stared out excitedly at him, though held a look of tiredness. One of her hands, which slipped past the sleeve of the hoodie, was made of metal, and quite obviously automail.

The other was slightly taller, with blue eyes hidden behind thick lenses and supremely frizzy hair of the same color, which reached to about her shoulders. She wore a boat-neck navy blue and white striped shirt, which didn't show any cleavage, but did reveal the top half or so of an ooraboris tattoo. A blue miniskirt and sandals completed her ensemble. This one looked more excited than the girl with the automail, and had wider eyes, too.

The girls sat down next to the Elric brothers, and Winry sat across from them. "Who the hell are you?" Ed shot off.

Al grimaced. "Er—what Brother is trying to say is—"

"Oh, it's no problem!" The girl with the ooroboris tattoo smiled cheerily. "Is it, Chibi-kun?" She directed towards Edward. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE HIM THROUGH A MICROSCOPE! I SWEAR TO GOD, THE NEXT PERSON WHO CALLS ME SHORT—"

"Alright, class, time to calm down." The teacher said, as he walked in. "My name is Professor Roy Mustang. You will reffer to me as Mr. Mustang, or Proffessor Mustang. You will not reffer to me as Mustang, Roy, or 'that dude'."

That dude looked up. "Are we clear?" Most of the class called out their consent, but Ed merely gaped and whispered to Al, "Who let Colonel Bastard in here?"

Al only shrugged, and continued to look forward, paying attention to 'Professor Mustang'. Ed groaned, leaning back into his chair. A bastard-y mocking teacher, two freakish new students, and Winry all wrapped up into the same classroom. Could this school year get any worse?


	2. Thus they go to an insane girl's home

**Mwa ha ha! I. Am. Back. *cue thunder* Ok, so this is a really fun chapter. I enjoyed typing it. :3 Enjoy READING AND REVIEWING. REVIEWING. REVIEWING. Pwease review? :3**

**If you can't tell, I'm in a weird mood. Still. This was fun. Oh, and if anyone can tell how I came up with the girls' last names (both of them), tell me in teh reviews! Whoever gets it right gets a virtual cookie! LUBB YOU!**

**XD Nayru, you're going to love this. XD**

After class (which was totally boring, by the way), as the two girls turned to leave, Ed grabbed the arm of the one with the ooroboris tattoo. She froze, looking at him, if anything, even more cheerfully. In a sweet, friendly voice, she said, "Would you let go, please?" Still, there seemed to be some underlying threat in her actions and voice, and Ed took a step back in shock. Then, regaining his composure, he yelled, "H-hey! You still haven't told me who the hell you are!"

The girl grinned again. "Oh, yeah. My name's Amanda Tsul, and I'm a Homunculus. Well, not quite, really, because I never ate the red stones. _(See the original anime) _So I'm as human as a Homunculus can get. And this is my friend Nayru Cirle. She's an alchemist." Nayru giggled, and waved. "Hi!"

Winry let out a giggle. "Only one Homunculus, eh, Ed?" He turned red and yelled, "SHUT UP!"

"Come on, Chibi-kun, don't be so uptight!" Amanda laughed. "DON'T CALL ME SHORT!"

Nayru gave out a laugh. "You guys are hilarious. Well, I have to go to the bathroom." As Nayru walked away, Amanda called out, "BYE NAYRU! See you later!" Nayru stopped, turning around. "Bye Amanda!" Then she continued on her way, as Amanda burst out laughing.

Ed backed away. "What's wrong with you people? You're mad!"

Amanda turned. "I suppose I am. But you know what? All the best people are." Then she smiled, suddenly no longer serious. "I heard that quote somewhere before. Pretty neat, huh?"

A few weeks flew by and quickly the group started to get to know each other. The two girls were constantly sitting with the Elrics, and sometimes Winry would join them (only to get into fights with Nayru). Nayru was nice enough, though still evil and making fun of Ed. No, it was Amanda who was the really annoying one. She always called Ed, Chibi-kun, though Nayru did sometimes, she atleast would vary between Ed and Chibi-kun. Amanda never went a minute without attempting to make Ed explode because IT'S EFFING FUNNY OK? T.T

Somehow, the group worked, and though Ed still resented it, they slowly became friends, like in those cliché movies that everyone gets bored watching and tries to change the channel only their family is watching it and won't let them.

It was a foggy afternoon. The dew still dripped off of the trees, and the cold was insufferable—oh, I'm boring you? Ok.—when Professor Mustang (or, as Ed insisted on calling him, Professor Bastard—Amanda just called him 'that dude') announced a test.

No one likes tests. They suck, ok? But the studying can be ok, if you're with friends, and this was Amanda's mindset when she invited the group to study at her house. Everyone but Winry consented, because Winry was kind of afraid of Nayru. The others only agreed because WHO DOESN'T WANT TO SEE WHERE THIS NUT JOB LIVES?

That afternoon, the group walked home together—that is, everyone went to Amanda's house. It looked normal, at first… but then they got inside. The living room and kitchen were ok, enough, but they were crammed with books. Everywhere. Ed and Al immediately tried to dive into the piles, bookworms that they were, but the girls held them back. "We need to study, remember!" Amanda yelled, whacking Ed's head. (Still can't get over the fact that Ed rhymes with head…)

The quartet (lol sounds like a band) went to sit at the table, pulling out their textbooks. Ever so eventually, they ended up studying together. It was going fairly well, for the first few hours. Then, "I'm booooored!" Amanda whined.

Nayru agreed, so they decided to order pizza. (Life story: when bored, order pizza.) Besides, it was probably about time for supper. Not like we eat at normal times, but still…

When the pizza came, Amanda grabbed the box, and they all went to eat it in her room. Because it was the only thing they hadn't seen in the house, ok?

Immediately after entering, Ed's eye began to twitch. _So… much… pink. _The room had pink walls. No lie. There was also more books here than anywhere else in the house, if possible. Then, suddenly, "TIM! Get back in the closet!" Amanda yelled, snapping Ed out of his pink-induced panic attack. There was a guy about their age, standing just outside the closet door. Tim, which apparently (obviously) was his name, said, "But I—" "NO!" Amanda interrupted. "Get back in the closet!"

"I just—" Amanda held up her Homunculus gift, Ultimate Spears. In a voice that was now menacing, she demanded, "Get into the closet Tim."

Tim walked into the closet, mumbling, "But I haven't eaten in THREE DAYS." After waiting for him to get all the way in, Amanda ran up and locked the door to her closet, therefore locking Tim up. "Sorry, but Tim was being disobedient." She smiled, turning to the group, suddenly cheerful again. (Seriously, this girl's emotions are a rollercoaster.) "You were saying?"

The other three only stared, frozen in shock. "Uh…" Nayru started, the first to react. (Because she's awesome like that.) "Who's Tim? Apart from this guy I once liked?"

"Pfffft." Amanda waved her hand, dismissing the matter at hand. "Tim? He's my special pet." From the closet, Tim yelled, "Shuttup about me! I'm human too, you know!"

"Did she ask YOU, Tim?" Amanda yelled, suddenly angry again. (WTF? O.O) "No! So shut up before I put tacks on the closet floor!"

"Not again!" Tim cried. "I-I'll shuttup."

Eventually the group must have gone back to the living room (forgetting about poor Tim), and resumed studying. More time learning, then,ignoring the two brothers, Nayru turned to Amanda and said, "Oh, I have a little Ed that talks in my head! (Can't. Get. Over. That. Rhyme.) Wanna see?"

Ed's eye twitched as he yelled, "I AM NOT LITTLE! DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME—"

"Uhhggg, SHUT UP." Nayru moaned. Ed froze, and cringed, and quivered. "THANK YOU, GOD. Geez, I can never shut that guy up." (Pffft, no one can. It's a fact of life.)

Ed thought, _Like you want me to shut up. _"I HEARD THAT." Nayru yelled, because apparently she can read minds. (like a boss)

"Aw, poor, poor Ed!" Amanda said. "Chibi-kun can't help it!" "Who are you calling CHIBI?" Ed yelled,

"You." Amanda simply stated, huggling Ed tightly. "G-get offa me, you freak!" Ed yelled, struggling. "Never!" was Amanda's reply. "You're going into the closet with Tim!" Then she dashed off, dragging the poor short alchemist along with her.

Nayru jumped up. "DON'T YOU DARE LOCK ED IN THE CLOSET! ONLY I CAN DO THAT!" She yelled, much to the startlement and deaf-ment of Al, who was just sitting there for no particular reason. She frantically ran into Amanda's room, running to the closet. Not even sparing a glance to Tim (who was hiding in the farthest corner, by the way), she searched for Ed, but he seemed to be missing. That is, until she turned around…

**Ha ha! CLIFFIE! I know Nayru knows what's coming up, but DO YOU? Of course not. Well, you might... but i have a very insane mind! *review* (Shameless begging) **

**Oh yeah and credit to the bathroom scene (BYE NAYRU, BYE AMANDA) goes to me and my BFF, who we'll call M. I love her. SHOUT OUTS! To her and Nayru-chan. Just wait until I update... ):D**


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